Monday, March 15, 2010

Sushi and emotions.

So I came home from my retail job and got a wild hair up my butt to roll sushi. I don't know why, but since I've started officially saying I'm dating Tim I have suddenly turned into Martha Stewart. (Well, except for the whole stock scandal thing. I'm too broke for that.) I spent the better part of 3 hours chopping, slicing, mixing, rolling, plating and packing the equivalent of 16 rolls of sushi. My shirt reeked of it and my hands were gummy from the rice. For some reason I felt like a had done something profound. I arrived at Tim's house with a bag full of food and Tim just hugged me and told "thank you". I almost cried.

I'm doing that a lot more. Crying, that is. Not from sadness really. I'm actually being more emotionally open than I used to be. I think I'm finally feeling again and being who I was repressing for so long. Sometimes, Tim and I will be sitting talking about our pasts and forget for a moment that this is not how I normally operate. I find myself truly speaking to him in a way I only talk to my closest friend Becca. I let myself get tears in my eyes and I don't fear him shying away or not being able to look in my eye.

I don't know whether it was the half bottle of sake I had knocked back or the fact that I really just like Tim. I told him there's a lot I keep hidden and I find myself a bit scared because I let myself be myself around him. I can't believe how much I really admit to him. In only a few weeks we have gotten so close. We're both scared a little of it. It's sort of nice being this scared and this happy at the same time.

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