Saturday, February 27, 2010

Saturday Morning

Lying close enough to touch you in the night
Inches of mattress make for miles to reach
When you sleep with your back turned to me.
Flat on my back, I watch the ceiling fan turn.
I keep looking over hoping you'll reach for me.
Your breathing never changes; you never stir.
I turn and look over you at the bedside clock
The minutes drag by and I sigh deeply
I watch the rise and fall of your breathing.
Tears fill my eyes and I bury my face
In case my whimpers cause you to awaken.
I bite my lip and tell myself, "You can't cry."
I'm awake long before your alarm rings.
I sit up and look back at you and I smile.
While inside, I'm crying, wanting to touch you.
I reach out and you slip out of the covers.
My hand falls and so does my first tears.
I let myself cry a bit while you shower.
I make up the bed and breathe you in.
We meet at the door and I swallow my words.
You say good-bye, hug me, and kiss my cheek,
Leaving my lips, like my heart, wanting only you.

Thursday, February 25, 2010


If I close my eyes tight enough sometimes
I can still see you stranding in front of me
You're smiling in that sweet goofy way
And at once my heart jumps in my throat.
I choke on my heart, choke back my tears.
As I open my eyes and you're not there.
If I stop and listen to the silence around,
I can still hear you whispering in my ear.
Saying I miss you and all the sweet nothings
I used to hear in the night but no more.
And the phone hasn't rung in days for me
I hope there's not someone else you whisper to.
If I stay still long enough in the night
Sometimes I can feel you warm beside me
Your breath against my neck, soft and steady
I long for those arms around my waist again.
In my dreams you're still there holding me
And the cold of my bed doesn't chill me so.
If I could erase you from my mind and heart
I think I could find some peace within both.
You broke the walls it took years to build
Now I stand unguarded for the very first time.
Before you and all the world exposed, trembling
Ready and willing to be myself for the first time.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Laying along is the part of night I hate most
The pillow I face is cold where you were
My hand reaches to touch your warm cheek,
But you are not here for my fingers to find.
In the night, my toes accidentally slip over
To your side and I awake and withdraw quickly.
I am saddened for in my dreams you slipped,
Between the sheets and your arms around me.
In that dream, I breathed you in and felt you.
You kissed my lips, the hollow of my throat.
My heartbeat quickens and my chest heaves.
Your whispered desires fill my ears and mind.
I receive you willingly and our bodies join.
As the tide of our ecstasy reaches its aching peak,
Out breathing crescendos and we crash together.
As out bodies uncoil and we relax into each other,
My toes find that dreaded empty icy spot again.
I awaken to find you were never really here.
My hand touches your empty spot on the pillow
And tears fill my eyes as the ghost of you fades.

Monday, February 15, 2010


To lean against you and hear your heart,
I knew what I was in that moment, happy.
To relax and let myself sink into your arms.
It was more than I thought I could handle.
Now after holding you at arm's distance,
I want to pull you in but feel you pull away.
You hold a piece of my heart unknowingly.
I don't just let anyone hold that part of me.
I want to call you mine as you called me yours.
Don't make a fool out of me and my heart.


In a moment, my happiness flashed in front of my eyes.
In an instant, my bliss almost slipped from my grasp.
You said you'd always catch me when I began to fall.
So now here I tumble, toward what I don't know at all.
The fall is not the part I fear most, it's the stop in the end.
Can you catch me? Are you still willing you take my hand?
Falling through chaos, reaching out for your embrace.
I feel that at least for now I've found somewhere, a place,
Where I can let go and be as I am, not as they wanted me
All I ask is to catch hold of me, kiss me. Keep me, please.